Jackson's Words From the Street

Thanks to Katie M for the video footage, Nicholas & Alyssa for being there from day 1 (and in some cases, last summer) AND the whole crew of Phools including Simon, John, Yan(sp?), O'Rourke, Lauren (not in footage due to sleeping through the craziest night in Phillies recent memory), Lynch, Hollenberg, Papa Shells, Amanda, Captain Bringdown, Nu John & the random dude with the Raiders tattoo.  Plus the thousands of cars, bikes, fire trucks, tow trucks, ambulances, cabs, motorcycles and other vehicles that just never ever ever ever stopped honking for 2 straight hours.

And much props to Dolphin Tavern for its proximity and $3 Miller High Life 32 oz.  It should be noted that without any advance planning, a guest watcher of the game itself brought a 40 ounce of High Life (the only non-malt liquor 40 this Phan deems acceptable) to a house with 60 12 oz cans of the same brew...only to later find the whole crew brown-bagging in the right lane of the biggest street in Philadelphia thanks to the Dolphin Tavern's 32 ouncers.

So what if someone got the bottom end of mine poured on their head...this is Philadelphia.

More videos to come as they are edited and safely released into the wild...

For an idea of the vehicular, highly illegal and dangerous madness search You Tube for 2008 Phillies Broad Street World Series, etc.  Lots of different contributions there.

Until the big one,

Jackson "Can I Be Matt Stairs When I Grow Up?" Shellenberger

Phillies vs. Dodgers @ Cit Bank Park - 8/25/08 - Official Game Scorecard

This game witnessed not only another fantastic performance by the former WORST pitcher in baseball, Brett "Psycho Killer" Myers BUT even more importantly the Triumphant Return of J-Blo Rollins' Offensive capabilities, no longer just to shoot his mouth off & offend Phillies fans but to actually produce hits and runs...

Phillies vs. Dogers@ Citizens Bank Park - 8/22/08 - Official Scorecard

You will note I've switched to the 2-in-1 scorecard featuring both home and away on one side of a 8.5 x 11 sheet. Despite some limitations in terms of player replacements (2 slots instead of 3) and reduced margin size (less room for commentary and nonsense), this has been a success both in Phils' winning percentage since inception (1.000) and not needing to flip the page every inning.

Enjoy!

PHILS vs NATS - August 21st, 2008 - Unofficial Scorecard from JBS

Thus continues what shall be a thorough database of Phillies' scorecards for 2008, 2007 and all the way back to the invention of the thing...too bad about this one. Much worse than too bad, really!

Note the many occurrences in which Mr. Jim Rollins had opportunities to hear cheers for achievement instead of boos for disappointment.

Phillies vs. Pirates Official JBS Scorecard - 08.09.08

I Am The Greatest Mini Golf Player...Challenges Now Being Accepted at Franklin Square, Philadelphia, PA - See Scorecard and Weep!

Scan and send your scorecards to challenge the new Master of Franklin Square putt putt.

3 hole in 1's is just the beginning to this Zen-like mastery.

See you on the course, beoches!

Don't Look Now But Pigs Just Flew...

Thought something seemed off about the ol' Fightins the last few games?  You were right.

In the past week...

Phillies Batters Hitting .300+:

Chris Coste & So Taguchi - .500

Shane Victorino - .375

Geoff Jenkins, Carlos Ruiz, Jayson Werth - .333

Gregg Dobbs - .300

Phillies Batters Hitting -.270:

Jimmy Rollins - .261

Ryan Howard - .250

Pat Burrell - .227

Chase Utley - .167

Phillies Starting Pitchers with E.R.A. less than 2.00

Jamie Moyer: 1.29

Kyle Kendrick: 1.50

Cole Hamels' ERA: 9.82

Coste Victorino Jenkins Werth & Taguchi averaged .780 Slug %

For the season, these five players are averaging a .423 Slug %

Burrell Howard Rollins & Utley are averaging a .369 Slug %

For the season, these four players are averaging a .521 Slug %

You just really never ever know what's gonna happen...that's Phillies baseball.

Boos Always Loudest Before the Game-Winning Bombs

In 2 days, the Phillies starting pitchers have provided (relative to the usual performance) outstanding outings.  In these same two days, MVP holder Jimmy Rollins has chosen to eschew the team bus and take his own car through New York traffic and gets himself benched for arriving less than an hour before game time.  Chase Utley continues to go 0 for 16, 17...I don't know for sure because I left before the end of the 9th inning to catch a bus back to Philly in a sleep-deprived state of shock after Brad Lidge gave up his first homerun of the season, a grand slam to the Braves' catcher who had previously scored the only run off Kendrick on a solo home run.  Against a Phils offense that had two hits and a lot of bad luck, the 7 runs scored by the Braves in the 9th were of little consequence except to rattle the one sure thing we've had so far this year.  Not that I'm worried about Lidge. The way things are going, the Phillies might as well have sent the ballgirls to the plate.  A 1-0 loss is no different than a 25-0 loss and either one seems more likely these last couple games than the Fightins scoring in any meaningful way.

I guess this makes this more exciting when they bust out and roar back into first place.  70's retro night is coming up against the L.A. Dodgies, so that's something.  And don't forget Philadelphia, Eagles opening day is just 43 days, 7 hours, 2 minutes and 83000 who gives an S's away!  WHOO HOO!

No cockroaches tonight.  They must have all been down at the Bank, crawling out of the dugout and click clacking to the plate disguised as Phillies hitters.  

Tomorrow I'm going to avoid the game entirely and attend various social and art opening functions.  That'll show this team I mean business.  Who am I kidding...I'll be texting for updates throughout the proceedings and hoping my destinations include Comcast sportsnet OR at least one hapless Phillies fan to sneak off with and listen to 1210 every few minutes.

Phillies 2008...take me back to 2007.  (With all due paraphrasing respect to Ozma's In Search of 1998, which can be listened to below)

http://www.mediafire.com/?xjbtydmzjld

Hilarious Pat Burrell worship site found here: (In actuality run by Western Canadians! Go fig...)

http://thesexycrimes.wordpress.com/

Ryan Howard's 100th Home Run, in which a certain nerd can be seen jumping for joy well before the rest of the fans at Citizens Bank Park:

mms://a1503.v108692.c10869.g.vm.akamaistream.net/7/1503/10869/v0001/mlb.download.akamai.com/10869/2007/open/tp/archive06/062707_cinphi_howard_hr_tp_350.wmv?ct3=-1&ct4=mlb&ct5=27-Jun-07

Let's Get Flyered Up...Phillies Style (Sports Puns Gone Wild)

PLEASE NOTE: If you are a Philadelphia sports fan or a sports fan in general or familiar at all with the concept of puns, you can probably skip most of this post. Otherwise...here goes.

If you're from Philadelphia and you've either

A) Sat in the bleachers at a Phillies game in the past few years OR
B) Seen the sports headline page of the Daily News on a day they were being clever

You will understand pretty well what is coming next. However, I've tried to over-explain if possible just in case someone outside of my immediate family notices this piece exists.

One thing I love about sports is the occasionally creative fan response they illicit. Like all fans, in Philadelphia, our easily entertained BUT occasionally genius PHILLIES fans in particular will think of clever puns or rhymes for a given player and advertise how cool there idea is along with their support for a particular player with a large banner and/or use costumes and performance art to enhance their message. Some examples of this include...

Ex. For Randy Wolf, there was the "Wolfpack", which included the sign and full head wolf masks.
Ex. #2 A player whose last name was Padilla was honored by the "Padilla Flotilla" (pronounced Pa-dee-uh Flow-tee-uh) which included a large piece of boat-shaped paper that fans stood behind, walking back and forth to simulate the movement of a ship upon the ocean or river.
Ex. #3 Last night, for Greg Dobbs there was "Greg's Girls" (almost entirely composed of female Phans except for one unfortunate and unhappy looking male who sat the whole game). The subtitle for this was "I've Got A Dobbsession", taking the concept to its ultimate end.

Another of my favorite examples of this was the Daily News using headlines to indicate in a quick blast what occurred in the sporting contest and attempt to get a laugh out of the reading public.

Ex. When a hockey player on the Flyers scored 3 goals in one game (known as a Hat Trick) but the team at-large didn't win OR lose the game against the other team (known as a Tie), the headline was "Nice HAT, Ugly TIE".
Ex. 2 Last year when the Phillies were on a very poor string of losing games in a row towards the end of the season, they came back to win a game thanks to a home run by a player named Jayson Werth. The next day's headline: "From Bad to WERTH".
Ex. 3 In a Temple University college basketball game a few years ago, the Temple Owls were losing in the final seconds of the game when one of their players threw up a desperate almost completely impossible shot from way past a reasonable distance. Against all odds, the shot went into the basket and the other team had the game literally stolen away from them. The player: Pepe Sanchez. The headline: "PEPE Larceny".

So naturally being a dork, this is right up my very narrow but long alley... Recently some I can personally claim include "Cole as Ice!" & "Cole Position" after pitcher COLE Hamels' first career complete-game shutout.

These below were conceived in the course of a subway ride earlier tonight back from Front & Girard, in the esteemed company of Nick, O'Rourke and Lauren.

Phillies pitcher KYLE Kendrick:

KYLE High Club
Mis-KYLE
KYLE Under ______ (fill in blank with Awesome, Perfect, etc.)
KYLE of the Century
KYLE of Shit (for a particularly bad performance)
KYLE-Driver
the Perfect KYLE
KYLE Love-It (instead of singer Lyle Lovett)

Outfielder SHANE Victorino

That SHANE Don't Stop Here Anymore
SHANE in the Ass
Make it SHANE on 'Em
Hard SHANE's Gonna Fall
Who'll Stop the SHANE
SHANE's Planes, Trains & Automobiles (fans could dress up in these various different forms of transport)
Express SHANE
Exile on SHANE Street
Have You Ever Seen the SHANE?
SHANE On You Crazy Diamond

Second Baseman (and Resident Major League Home Run Leader) CHASE UTLEY

CHASE Closed
Without a CHASE (after the TV show, in case he gets injured and can't play)
Absol-UTLEY _____ (fill in blank with Fabulous (after British TV Show) or other adjective)
Hi-Speed CHASE
CHASE in the Hole
Your Daughter's a sl-UTLEY (this one is horrible and has no practical use)
the Amazing CHASE (another TV show pun)

First Baseman (and currently rising out of the Phillies' gutter) RYAN HOWARD

A RYAN in Winter (After "A Lion in Winter" - 1968 Movie starring Peter O'Toole and Katherine Hepburn about the succession of the English throne after Henry II in, set in 1183...http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063227/)
A RYAN, a Pitch and a Score Home (this is a real stretch, using the "Lion Witch and Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis as a basis)
POWERED HOWARD (This one is so Daily News they have probably used it already)
RY-umph Brewing Company (After Triumph Brewing Company, a Philadelphia-area independent brewer in Princeton, New Hope and Philly...http://www.triumphbrewing.com/indexfl6.html)
the RYAN Empire (after the non-Aztecs of pre-Columbian South America...not now referred to as an empire, but a civilization...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_civilization OR http://www.mayaindian.com/)
RYAN High! (like Flyin' High...another pretty likely Daily News pick of the past)
RYAN the Friendly Skies
You Made Your Bed, now RY in it!

I started thinking of some for Pat Burrell, but there are just too damn many possibilities.

Being sufficiently saddened by just realizing it's after 1 AM and confirming that Brad Renfro died earlier this year from a drug overdose, I will now slink out of my geek palace and prepare for my 4-day work week.