Phillies Blog From the Man Who Was Dressed as Tug McGraw in 1980

A Good Ol Fish Fry

2010-09-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

My attempt to find quality anti-Marlins signs thwarted by dinner plans arriving via car in the midst of my post, I'll simply post this beauty and get back to hating on the little guys later.

Quote of the Game

2010-08-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

"And Romero's lost his SHOE, AGAIN!" - Scott Franzke

Jimmy. F'n Jimmy.

2010-08-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

I respect you to no end, Julianna Struck, but J-Roll coulda been a hero. Man on 2nd to boot! Argh

Ryan Coward?

2010-08-23T18:21:00.000-07:00

Well striking out a lot doesn't really mean you aren't brave and he at least got the bat on one.

But now we have Jayson... Another couple K's, then a potential bomb into a double and in the midst of an intentional walk, snoozes off 2nd and gets picked off. Somebody was using their toys today, eh, Jay-St-On-Ed? Perhaps they should get the Kind stuff out of the locker room. Or at least dissolve some laced sugar in a cup of espresso.

Oh yeah, baby, somebody got that wake-up call and redeemed his sorry self, just slightly.

RAUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUELLLLLLLL! Game-winning potential with one swing-a-roo-ski... I'm off, back with a recap as I'm on call for the Cleric projector dropoff mission at any moment.

That Damn Cougar! (or Mountain Lion, or Puma)

2010-08-23T18:14:00.000-07:00

Joe Blanton loses his chance at a win, but then again, after this season, he should just be happy to have a job. Unbelievable turn of events with umpire potentially blowing call, and then throwing out Charlie (you could clearly hear the cries of "CHAW-LEE", "CHAW-LEE", "CHAW-LEE" from the crowd while he was obviously attempting to get himself tossed arguing the call). Next... that powerful beast dressed in a Ryan Madson suit dominated with a HUGE strike out and then blew it by giving up a 2-RBI knock almost before anyone had a chance to exhale.

Here comes Mr. Lidge. Let's go offense! This is a shame because I was all ready to bust out a posi-blog post about the Phils and Blanton, despite grounding into a double play with two men on to end the inning when the runners should have been going or at least considering the double play option.

And of course, Utley was really busting it down the line. God Damn.

Ryan Howard: 0-3, 3 Strikeouts. You can't spell Redemption w/o an R, O, D and if you needed another R, he has one right before that last D. It's almost September, Ryan, that means BOMB TIME!

And coming up next...

Worst 1210 AM Commercials - And How To Decide? - 2

2010-08-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

1. "Egh...I never thought it would happen to me...I mean, who would wanna steal my car?"
2. My Philly Lawyer is less stupid and involves children being injured at birth...
3. "There's nothing better than a day at the ballpark!" - Another Stroehman, but less crappy than the desperate pathetic plea for Bakers one
4. "Phillies baseball is brought to you by your local Nationwide agent..." - The idea behind this one sucks but compared to the other legendary mind-destroying commercials, you can tune this out

Who Needs Negativity?

2010-08-23T16:31:00.001-07:00

Joe Blanton must be the other person who reads this blog, aside from me of course.

Worst 1210 AM Commercials - And How To Decide?

2010-08-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

1A. "Let's Hear it for Kristen!"
1. "Phillies fans know Bakers..."
2. "My Darling Wife You are Totally hot..."
3. "Why Wait for an Oil Change..."

Myers vs Blanton - Battle of the Past and Present Question Marks

2010-08-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

So I was going to start this off ranting about Brett Myers being the only pitcher in baseball during the 2010 season to go 6 innings or more every start. EVERY START! Something neither of our Roys have done, nor our "innings-eater" promised back in 2008 (when he actually delivered somewhat). But Big Joe Blanton, Country Joe, Fat Joe, Jackass, however you would like to refer to him, has already allowed a runner in scoring position and it's not even 7:10 PM.

Blanton's ERA is almost 6! And that's after (I'm assuming) a few positive and productive and improved starts, since I know he was closer to 10 than 5 for quite awhile.

Ah...my scanning project has encountered technical resistance. But before I go, let's not fail to mention that Blanton now has men on 1st and 3rd, thanks to a single, stolen base and single. Joe Blanton should never pitch another 1st inning again. The crowd sounds like they are asleep or non-existent. I suppose if they were smart and knew Blanton was starting, they would do the usual Phillie Phan routine and show up in the 3rd/leave in the 6th. Perhaps Blanton is the perfect starting pitcher to match the average Phrontrunning Phils Phan. Hmmm. I sense a conspiracy.

1-0 Astros. 3 Batters. One Out. Game ERA: 27.00

Longest Inning Ever

2010-08-20T17:28:00.000-07:00

This is why I love listening to Phillies games on the radio...

"What are you doing over there?"
"Timing it!"

Wriggle Man!

2010-08-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

My favorite face in baseball... Washington Nationals manager, J-Rigz.

1210 AM Commercials

2010-08-20T17:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many people both listen to the game on the radio and read this (wrong, i do know, 0), but Scott Franzke totally made fun of the paint store commercial in the bottom of the 3rd inning. SCORE!

Tonight's Game - 8/20/10

2010-08-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

Roy Halladay with baserunners? WTF?

Phuck This

2009-11-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry, Phillies, Inc. but I've put enough of my time, energy and money into you the past 3 years, if not the past 31. I can't support this attitude towards Pedro Feliz and I won't be sinking my (hard?) earned dollars into 1 game, beer or t-shirt in 2010 unless I'm given a very good reason to.

It's been real. Go Owls!

The Calm Before the Storm

2009-10-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

Here we are. At 12 Steps Down. The lucky table is full mother fucking effect. I'd be keeping updates during the game, but I don't want to risk the computer to the many spills, cigarettes and chairs being knocked over that are inevitably going to occur even in the most boring game on Earth, let alone a Phillies vs. Yankees World Series.

Rest assured that there will be a full text message blow by blow after the final out.

This is What Happens When You Believe

2009-10-20T00:38:00.000-07:00

Text selections from tonight's game.

1) 8:25 PM - Phucking awesome (J)

2) 10:17 PM - Dude this game is awesome (K)

3) 10:35 PM - Just got out. Having a beer and watching the game. You and John [J] must be very tense right now. (MB)

4) 10:55 PM - Well lemme know. I have a feeling they'll come back anyway :) (T)

5) 11:20 PM - Sadly I'm gonna be a bummer and go home...Keep your fingers crossed for the last inning. (E)

6) 11:44 PM - Think we'll win the game? (S)

7) 11:54 PM - Glad I kept my shirt on. (S)

8) 11:56 PM - Fuck! High five (K)

9) 11:57 PM - You gotta be Phucking kidding me (J)

10) 12:21 AM - So what happened with the game?/12:23 AM - That's awesome! (MB)

11) 12:49 AM - No worries. :) (S)

Phillies in 5. The weekend off. World Series bound. Red October. Make out with somebody. Phor the Phillies. This is what life is all about, magnified by 1000 and on grass. Phuckin A.

Tonight WAS The Night.

2009-10-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

O my f'n god. The Phils.

12 Steps Down was the pinnacle of Phillie Phantanicism tonight. How can I even begin to describe how this all went down.

I immediately took over the Good Luck table near one of the three screens. Twas me and the Sports Body that commandeered that action. Concerned as I was about the lack of Mustachio and Kyle, as well as the Mob and the Russian, etc. I was unable to reveal that concern thanks to many delicious shots of Tullamore Dew at the pre-game house before. Not only unable or unwilling, but realizing that this was the perfect mood to endure another Phillies Phlayoff marathon.

Soon enough, the crowd emerged. The game had started and well, with a Flyin' Hawaiian' homer.

There is no way that I can begin to enter into what emerged during the course of tonight's game. Rest assured that conversations with Fooliana occurred (from Colorado to Philly) where she discussed not bringing Purple Gatorade to school because it was Rockies' colors.

The night lasted forever in a beautiful chaotic way.

Pool games were played with Yankee and Mets fans. Yankee hats were worn to jinx the Yanks in the World Series (or maybe just because the hat was there and in retrospect).

Shots were promised with the Phils down 4-2 if they scored a run (For the whole table, mind you). Let us understand that this was a table with at MOST 25% of true Phillies Phans. The rest of these folks just being Totally caught up in the Phever from either 2008 or just seeing the craziness amongst the lot of us. They've earned their Red & White b/c they understand what baseball playoffs in Philadelphia is all about. Togetherness, Love and Unity.

Of course there were discussions about BS (ie hardbodies, what people do for work, etc) but in the end it was just as it should be.

When the Phillies pulled ahead in the 8th inning, there was nothing but high fives and pure love of other humans. Every second was an eternity waiting for the next strike or ball. Chants were declared and administered and then rescinded if they were determined to be bad luck.

People were crazy as all get out. Chairs were knocked over. Twas cool. My foot was crushed by a falling chair but what can you do? The Point N Slap was in full mother f'n effect. Not a hand that was attached was not slapped at least once during every strikeout, hit, walk, run, etc.

I will sincerely remember this night, albeit only the NLDS, because we were in love with each other. People DID make out! Hugs and dances were excessive. We all have to wake up tomorrow and go to work, but for a few brief hours, we were all one. Even the non-baseball fans, the foreigners, who cares?

I just cant describe it. I don't want to say you had to be there, but more like, whoever wasn't there was also there. I can tell the story of these last two games in 2009 like it was my job.

We're Phillies Phans. We want hard work. We want sacrifice. We want heroism. We want any random dude to win the game. We love that we didn't get some A-Hole like Manny last year but instead we got Cliff Lee and Ben Francisco. Ben Francisco...did you see that catcH?

At the end of the game, it came down to us in complete silence just waiting for the celebration. Lots of people get to see PLayoff games live and in person. I don't want that. I want the weird energy of a dozen Phans hugging each other and making life seem more important than we will ever be able to understand.

I love 12 Steps in the Phlayoffs. The game was classic. The scene was unbeatable. Our vibe was way in EPHECCT. We Phuckin supported the Phils, fans or not.

When Brad Lidge busted out the last Out-Skee, you wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.

There is nothing wrong with watching the Phillies Phlayoffs at 12 Steps Down.

Thanks to all, I need to sleep. And enjoy my day off from baseball.

When you love something so much, you suffer for the happiness. Otherwise, you're a Yankee fan. We'll take the Yankees in 7.

Tonight was THE night. Thanks to everyone. We got that hurdle TCB.

Let's hope I survive through the World Series.

Let's go JAYSON!!!

Here's what the Phace Book Phans are Saying after Game 3 of the NLDS, October 11th, 2009 in Colorado

2009-10-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

A selection of Facebook status updates from my Home page reflect the international love.

1) Brad Lidge, here is your Cardiac Kids, membership card. Good, LORD!!! @ 903 AM

2) yay phillies! Only good news today. Why am I up? @ 347 AM

3) can't believe the Phils game finished while I was getting ready for work. I'm gonna have some very tired friends stateside today... @ 247 AM

4) I like it @ 247 AM

5) Oh. . . because we needed more issues with our bullpen. @ 147 AM

phantasy...or...phrediction?

2009-10-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

Phillies win tonight 7-1. Happ pitches 8 innings, gives up 4 hits. Myers blows a run but finishes the game with two K's. I feel better tomorrow morning when I have to work for 14 straight days.

The Phans have a great time at twelve steps. We don't take a shot every time the Phillies get an out but maybe just one or two. There are plenty of cigarettes left for everyone. The cabs are plentiful and I'm well-bundled enough to walk the long mile(s)? home. High fives are extensive and with lots of random people. Someone makes out with someone else they don't know. The Sirius 22's think of a better name for their band. I kiss my brother on the head and understand what Matt Stairs meant when he got his "ass hammered by a bunch of dudes."

It feels like October now so let's see it happen again. Let's see a city on Phire and not burning. Let's laugh and curse and love until our hearts burst. Let's talk about meaningless sporting events for the next month and be content with it while we all strive to live meaningful lives.

Let's go Phillies.

Follow-Up Post from Last Year featuring more Street Video

2009-09-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

I forgot how amazing this all was. I always forget the sheer joy of the city and the people all celebrating together for mere hours out of a whole life that we struggle and stress and stare angrily into each other's faces on the subway.

Video I've shared at the bottom is particularly classic because of the dudes sitting, not hanging out of, but just sitting on top of the cars. Also, because you knew the Phils had to win the World Series when me and Nick were lucky enough to avoid being killed constantly running across Broad Street to slap five and yell at random dudes sitting on top of moving cars.

This is just to get my "haven't posted in a year" excuse out the window. I'm actually running out in about 2 seconds following the posting of this video. SO many more classic clips to come. Ph the Jinx, I'm gonna load em up for October with good 2008 vibes.

PS - Cliff Lee...don't call it a comeback, he never went anywhere.

PPS - I'll be at the BANK for two nights in a row this week, say whassup to the jackass with the McGraw jersey on. I'm the tall one.

PPPS - Here's the choice amateur Post-NLCS victory footage shot live October 17th, 2008:

Phillies Playoff Celebration (Broad & Tasker) Clip 1

Jackson's Words From the Street

2008-10-17T02:37:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Katie M for the video footage, Nicholas & Alyssa for being there from day 1 (and in some cases, last summer) AND the whole crew of Phools including Simon, John, Yan(sp?), O'Rourke, Lauren (not in footage due to sleeping through the craziest night in Phillies recent memory), Lynch, Hollenberg, Papa Shells, Amanda, Captain Bringdown, Nu John & the random dude with the Raiders tattoo. Plus the thousands of cars, bikes, fire trucks, tow trucks, ambulances, cabs, motorcycles and other vehicles that just never ever ever ever stopped honking for 2 straight hours.

And much props to Dolphin Tavern for its proximity and $3 Miller High Life 32 oz. It should be noted that without any advance planning, a guest watcher of the game itself brought a 40 ounce of High Life (the only non-malt liquor 40 this Phan deems acceptable) to a house with 60 12 oz cans of the same brew...only to later find the whole crew brown-bagging in the right lane of the biggest street in Philadelphia thanks to the Dolphin Tavern's 32 ouncers.

So what if someone got the bottom end of mine poured on their head...this is Philadelphia.

More videos to come as they are edited and safely released into the wild...

For an idea of the vehicular, highly illegal and dangerous madness search You Tube for 2008 Phillies Broad Street World Series, etc. Lots of different contributions there.

Until the big one,

Jackson "Can I Be Matt Stairs When I Grow Up?" Shellenberger

Phillies vs. Dodgers @ Cit Bank Park - 8/25/08 - Official Game Scorecard

2008-08-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

This game witnessed not only another fantastic performance by the former WORST pitcher in baseball, Brett "Psycho Killer" Myers BUT even more importantly the Triumphant Return of J-Blo Rollins' Offensive capabilities, no longer just to shoot his mouth off & offend Phillies fans but to actually produce hits and runs...

Phillies vs. Dogers@ Citizens Bank Park - 8/22/08 - Official Scorecard

2008-08-31T14:46:00.000-07:00

You will note I've switched to the 2-in-1 scorecard featuring both home and away on one side of a 8.5 x 11 sheet. Despite some limitations in terms of player replacements (2 slots instead of 3) and reduced margin size (less room for commentary and nonsense), this has been a success both in Phils' winning percentage since inception (1.000) and not needing to flip the page every inning.

Enjoy!

PHILS vs NATS - August 21st, 2008 - Unofficial Scorecard from JBS

2008-08-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

Thus continues what shall be a thorough database of Phillies' scorecards for 2008, 2007 and all the way back to the invention of the thing...too bad about this one. Much worse than too bad, really!

Note the many occurrences in which Mr. Jim Rollins had opportunities to hear cheers for achievement instead of boos for disappointment.

Phillies vs. Pirates Official JBS Scorecard - 08.09.08

2008-08-10T14:37:00.001-07:00

I Am The Greatest Mini Golf Player...Challenges Now Being Accepted at Franklin Square, Philadelphia, PA - See Scorecard and Weep!

2008-08-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

Scan and send your scorecards to challenge the new Master of Franklin Square putt putt.

3 hole in 1's is just the beginning to this Zen-like mastery.

See you on the course, beoches!

Don't Look Now But Pigs Just Flew...

2008-07-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

Thought something seemed off about the ol' Fightins the last few games? You were right.

In the past week...

Phillies Batters Hitting .300+:

Chris Coste & So Taguchi - .500

Shane Victorino - .375

Geoff Jenkins, Carlos Ruiz, Jayson Werth - .333

Gregg Dobbs - .300

Phillies Batters Hitting -.270:

Jimmy Rollins - .261

Ryan Howard - .250

Pat Burrell - .227

Chase Utley - .167

Phillies Starting Pitchers with E.R.A. less than 2.00

Jamie Moyer: 1.29

Kyle Kendrick: 1.50

Cole Hamels' ERA: 9.82

Coste Victorino Jenkins Werth & Taguchi averaged .780 Slug %

For the season, these five players are averaging a .423 Slug %

Burrell Howard Rollins & Utley are averaging a .369 Slug %

For the season, these four players are averaging a .521 Slug %

You just really never ever know what's gonna happen...that's Phillies baseball.

Boos Always Loudest Before the Game-Winning Bombs

2008-07-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

In 2 days, the Phillies starting pitchers have provided (relative to the usual performance) outstanding outings. In these same two days, MVP holder Jimmy Rollins has chosen to eschew the team bus and take his own car through New York traffic and gets himself benched for arriving less than an hour before game time. Chase Utley continues to go 0 for 16, 17...I don't know for sure because I left before the end of the 9th inning to catch a bus back to Philly in a sleep-deprived state of shock after Brad Lidge gave up his first homerun of the season, a grand slam to the Braves' catcher who had previously scored the only run off Kendrick on a solo home run. Against a Phils offense that had two hits and a lot of bad luck, the 7 runs scored by the Braves in the 9th were of little consequence except to rattle the one sure thing we've had so far this year. Not that I'm worried about Lidge. The way things are going, the Phillies might as well have sent the ballgirls to the plate. A 1-0 loss is no different than a 25-0 loss and either one seems more likely these last couple games than the Fightins scoring in any meaningful way.

I guess this makes this more exciting when they bust out and roar back into first place. 70's retro night is coming up against the L.A. Dodgies, so that's something. And don't forget Philadelphia, Eagles opening day is just 43 days, 7 hours, 2 minutes and 83000 who gives an S's away! WHOO HOO!

No cockroaches tonight. They must have all been down at the Bank, crawling out of the dugout and click clacking to the plate disguised as Phillies hitters.

Tomorrow I'm going to avoid the game entirely and attend various social and art opening functions. That'll show this team I mean business. Who am I kidding...I'll be texting for updates throughout the proceedings and hoping my destinations include Comcast sportsnet OR at least one hapless Phillies fan to sneak off with and listen to 1210 every few minutes.

Phillies 2008...take me back to 2007. (With all due paraphrasing respect to Ozma's In Search of 1998, which can be listened to below)

http://www.mediafire.com/?xjbtydmzjld

Hilarious Pat Burrell worship site found here: (In actuality run by Western Canadians! Go fig...)

http://thesexycrimes.wordpress.com/

Ryan Howard's 100th Home Run, in which a certain nerd can be seen jumping for joy well before the rest of the fans at Citizens Bank Park:

mms://a1503.v108692.c10869.g.vm.akamaistream.net/7/1503/10869/v0001/mlb.download.akamai.com/10869/2007/open/tp/archive06/062707_cinphi_howard_hr_tp_350.wmv?ct3=-1&ct4=mlb&ct5=27-Jun-07

Let's Get Flyered Up...Phillies Style (Sports Puns Gone Wild)

2008-05-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

PLEASE NOTE: If you are a Philadelphia sports fan or a sports fan in general or familiar at all with the concept of puns, you can probably skip most of this post. Otherwise...here goes.

If you're from Philadelphia and you've either

A) Sat in the bleachers at a Phillies game in the past few years OR
B) Seen the sports headline page of the Daily News on a day they were being clever

You will understand pretty well what is coming next. However, I've tried to over-explain if possible just in case someone outside of my immediate family notices this piece exists.

One thing I love about sports is the occasionally creative fan response they illicit. Like all fans, in Philadelphia, our easily entertained BUT occasionally genius PHILLIES fans in particular will think of clever puns or rhymes for a given player and advertise how cool there idea is along with their support for a particular player with a large banner and/or use costumes and performance art to enhance their message. Some examples of this include...

Ex. For Randy Wolf, there was the "Wolfpack", which included the sign and full head wolf masks.
Ex. #2 A player whose last name was Padilla was honored by the "Padilla Flotilla" (pronounced Pa-dee-uh Flow-tee-uh) which included a large piece of boat-shaped paper that fans stood behind, walking back and forth to simulate the movement of a ship upon the ocean or river.
Ex. #3 Last night, for Greg Dobbs there was "Greg's Girls" (almost entirely composed of female Phans except for one unfortunate and unhappy looking male who sat the whole game). The subtitle for this was "I've Got A Dobbsession", taking the concept to its ultimate end.

Another of my favorite examples of this was the Daily News using headlines to indicate in a quick blast what occurred in the sporting contest and attempt to get a laugh out of the reading public.

Ex. When a hockey player on the Flyers scored 3 goals in one game (known as a Hat Trick) but the team at-large didn't win OR lose the game against the other team (known as a Tie), the headline was "Nice HAT, Ugly TIE".
Ex. 2 Last year when the Phillies were on a very poor string of losing games in a row towards the end of the season, they came back to win a game thanks to a home run by a player named Jayson Werth. The next day's headline: "From Bad to WERTH".
Ex. 3 In a Temple University college basketball game a few years ago, the Temple Owls were losing in the final seconds of the game when one of their players threw up a desperate almost completely impossible shot from way past a reasonable distance. Against all odds, the shot went into the basket and the other team had the game literally stolen away from them. The player: Pepe Sanchez. The headline: "PEPE Larceny".

So naturally being a dork, this is right up my very narrow but long alley... Recently some I can personally claim include "Cole as Ice!" & "Cole Position" after pitcher COLE Hamels' first career complete-game shutout.

These below were conceived in the course of a subway ride earlier tonight back from Front & Girard, in the esteemed company of Nick, O'Rourke and Lauren.

Phillies pitcher KYLE Kendrick:

KYLE High Club
Mis-KYLE
KYLE Under ______ (fill in blank with Awesome, Perfect, etc.)
KYLE of the Century
KYLE of Shit (for a particularly bad performance)
KYLE-Driver
the Perfect KYLE
KYLE Love-It (instead of singer Lyle Lovett)

Outfielder SHANE Victorino

That SHANE Don't Stop Here Anymore
SHANE in the Ass
Make it SHANE on 'Em
Hard SHANE's Gonna Fall
Who'll Stop the SHANE
SHANE's Planes, Trains & Automobiles (fans could dress up in these various different forms of transport)
Express SHANE
Exile on SHANE Street
Have You Ever Seen the SHANE?
SHANE On You Crazy Diamond

Second Baseman (and Resident Major League Home Run Leader) CHASE UTLEY

CHASE Closed
Without a CHASE (after the TV show, in case he gets injured and can't play)
Absol-UTLEY _____ (fill in blank with Fabulous (after British TV Show) or other adjective)
Hi-Speed CHASE
CHASE in the Hole
Your Daughter's a sl-UTLEY (this one is horrible and has no practical use)
the Amazing CHASE (another TV show pun)

First Baseman (and currently rising out of the Phillies' gutter) RYAN HOWARD

A RYAN in Winter (After "A Lion in Winter" - 1968 Movie starring Peter O'Toole and Katherine Hepburn about the succession of the English throne after Henry II in, set in 1183...http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063227/)
A RYAN, a Pitch and a Score Home (this is a real stretch, using the "Lion Witch and Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis as a basis)
POWERED HOWARD (This one is so Daily News they have probably used it already)
RY-umph Brewing Company (After Triumph Brewing Company, a Philadelphia-area independent brewer in Princeton, New Hope and Philly...http://www.triumphbrewing.com/indexfl6.html)
the RYAN Empire (after the non-Aztecs of pre-Columbian South America...not now referred to as an empire, but a civilization...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_civilization OR http://www.mayaindian.com/)
RYAN High! (like Flyin' High...another pretty likely Daily News pick of the past)
RYAN the Friendly Skies
You Made Your Bed, now RY in it!

I started thinking of some for Pat Burrell, but there are just too damn many possibilities.

Being sufficiently saddened by just realizing it's after 1 AM and confirming that Brad Renfro died earlier this year from a drug overdose, I will now slink out of my geek palace and prepare for my 4-day work week.